it’s that time of the year when I begin to feel even more crazy than usual.I like winter but, a Midwest winter is a different kind of beast. There has been snow on the ground basically since Thanksgiving and by Mid-February the temperatures average below freezing and that doesn’t even include the windchill.
Going outside means putting on every single warm-ish item I can find in my closet and looking like Joey from the Friends episode where he puts on all of Chandler’s clothes:
and then on top of that, there’s the robber face masks, scarves, gloves and beanies to cover any exposed extremities, like kitty:
I like hunkering down and having an excuse to do nothing, and a snow storm is the ultimate laziness excuse but even that is has gotten old by now and I’ve developed a serious case of cabin fever, going nuts, shuffling around the house, pacing in circles, starting out at the snow for long periods of time, and murmuring unhappily to myself (even more than usual). My boyfriend took a picture of me while I was peeking in on him just yesterday:
all that just to say that my already questionable fashion taste is even more questionable than usual, given the previously stated circumstances. But, this led me to mixing prints and layering in a way that I otherwise wouldn’t have out of boredom, coldness, or craziness….
A bright light in our world went out and now my heart feels heavy. With everything going on in the world right now: the unending riots in Ferguson, and the constant ISIS terrorist threats, just to name a few, it is Robin Williams’ unexpected suicide that I constantly find myself thinking about. I feel guilty that out of all of the chaos, death, and injustice going on around the world, it is the death of an actor that has affected me most. I asked myself why that is and I think it’s because his suicide was so unexpected and it is sad to think that someone who brought so much joy and happiness to the world, could be so unhappy himself.
The loss of any human life is painful, but something about Robin Williams’ suicide saddens me to the very core of my being. I have first hand experience with depression and feelings of hopelessness that Robin must have been feeling in order to take his life. And while I struggle with being “real” and transparent about anything serious on my blog (or any other of my social media outlets) about my life but I realized that writing posts like this were the reason I started blogging in the first place about 10 years ago and that is:
to reach out and connect to someone (anyone) who like me, often feels “different,” struggles with depression or anxiety, feels hopeless, like they don’t fit in, that are depressed…
and although I try to hide my struggle from friends and family, I think it’s pretty obvious to the people in my “World,” who try to get to know me, (my friends, family, co-workers, ect), know there is something “different” about me. I’m the friend who falls off the planet for days, weeks, months at a time, the friend who cancels plans and no one hears from, who isolates themselves, sleeps too much… my family and other loved ones kindly skirt around the issue but I struggle with depression and have since I was 15 years old.
What saddens me so much about Robin’s death is that…no one really saw it coming and I hope that he had people he could trust in his life and who loved him unconditionally- his wife, his daughter and I hope he knows he was loved.
and now finally I am getting to the point of this post….
it’s okay. I promise. I swear. It gets better. I know that’s not much, but I have been there in that dark, hopeless place where there is no light, no exit.
And while I never contemplated suicide, there were so many times in my life that I thought I could never be happy in life- where sleeping was always a better option for me than living life- that the drain of just being awake and conscious was sometimes to much-
just keep going. one foot in front of the other, baby steps. Don’t stop striving to be happy, develop your passions (no matter what they are), and when things get hard or tough, try to remember that (and this is what I wish I could tell the 12 year old version of myself, for the 16 year old version of my self, the 23 year old version of myself):
you are not alone. however helpless or alone you might feel. I can tell you because I have been in that place- a place I never thought I could leave- and I did.
I have come up with a list of 15 things I hope will be helpful for anyone who has ever been depressed:
1. Talk to someone, anyone. A friend, family member, co-worker, or anyone you feel you can trust. It is important to get your thoughts out of your head and also a welcome relief to feel that you no longer have to struggle completely alone. Don’t feel that you have anyone to talk too? There are hotlines and chatrooms created with the sole purpose of helping people struggling with depression: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=urgent_crisis_hotline has a list of resources. Still unsure? My email address is email@example.com, I am here.
Whatever makes you laugh, do it: silly dancing, corny jokes, baby kittens…find your happy place and visit it often. Laughing is not only a quick way to boost your mood, but the neurological process of laughing also releases endorphins and gives your body a boost of adrenaline (much like exercising), leaving you in a better mental place.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others. In today’s society, with all of our social media outlets, it is hard for me to NOT constantly be comparing myself to other people. Be content with where you are in life and who you are..stay focused on your own hopes and dreams and remain true to what makes you happy. I am not Kim Kardashian and I may not be at the same point in life where it seems many of peers are, but thats okay and I have to constantly remind myself that it is ok. This is your life, and your journey, no one else’s! One of the hardest things for me to do is to change my negative thinking patterns. I noticed that for me, most days I struggle with starting a new day with a positive frame of mind and I used to find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning…once I realized this about myself (and it took longer than you would think!) I had to start forcing myself to think positively in the morning and started coming up with (or borrowing) little phrases or mantras to “trick” myself into thinking positively. To this day, I still go back to one of my favorite mental health spokespersons:
and his favorite phrases: “I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful” and “Baby steps.” Interestingly enough, when I tell myself this in the morning before I get out of bed, I end up feeling better, greater and more wonderful.
4. Spend time outdoors/ be Active.
Research has shown that sunlight is a natural mood booster and one of the easiest ways to fight depression by boosting serotonin levels in the brain. The sun is also is a rich source of Vitamin D and is also shown to help in bone health, heart health and to reduce the chance of strokes. I enjoy spend time outdoors: hiking in the woods, doing yoga or simply taking the time to be in awe of Nature by listening and looking. I have a habit of collecting leaves, feathers, branches, twigs, stones, seashells..ect…
and keep a couple of my favorite ones in a vase by my bed. I sincerely feel that spending time outdoors as one of the best ways to re-focus on whats important and to remember that beauty and life is all around me, all I have to do is pay attention to it.
5. Keep a journal.
I find this especially helpful, if you are like me and tend to be more introverted and have trouble opening up. It helps me to look back on my journals and to reflect on how far I have come. It is also a great way to motivate yourself and a place to channel your inspirations. It also gives you a place to write down positive quotes, bucket lists, and to keep track of happy memories such as: concert tickets stubs and photos.
6. Keep a daily routine. If you are like me, or the dog in the video in #`1with a case of the Mondays, this is not easy. I confess, This is one of the HARDEST things for me to do. The idea of a consistent, daily routine always scared me and I still struggle with it every day. I always made excuses for why I didn’t need a daily routine…but sometimes this is a very important step for those who struggle with depression. I love sleeping, I always have and used to put off getting up until the very last moment. But as a result, I never gave myself time to wake up, reflect on the day, focus on what i wanted to get done and to have a general sense of well-being. Even though the initial half an hour or so after I am up is a struggle, I feel better, more calm and more prepared for the day when I have given myself time in the morning before rushing off.
7. Consider meditation/yoga. (dwell in the moment)
This one fits in with many of the other tips. Giving yourself time to reflect on life, or even to be still and think about nothing but your breath, helps to clear your head and give you a sense of well-being. I scoffed at the idea of quiet meditation for a long time, thinking it sounded to new age or something for me. I also have very little patience and always thought “There is no way I could ever sit still for an hour thinking about nothing.” And that thought is still true! I lowered my expectations and started timing myself of how long I could just “be still.” I don’t think I have ever made it past 60 seconds until my mind has wandered. But if you are intentional in trying and most of all, patient with yourself, you will get better at it and be better for it.
8. Make plans for the future. Have an old friend you want to visit? (Cassie, I’m coming for you!) or have you always wanted to take a road trip, visit the Lourve, eat real soul food? While spending too much time thinking about the future and not enough time in the present is not healthy, it is important to have something in your life to look forward too. It could be that you are unhappy in your career or with your health. Maybe you have always wanted to write a novel or take an art class. It could be as simple as thinking about something different and fun you always wanted to cook for dinner- just give yourself something to look forward to every day!
9. Weed out negative influences/people from your life.
easier said then done right? If you are human, chances are you come in contact with unhappy people or negative situations SEVERAL times a day. At my current customer service job, I deal with many unhappy people and even when I try to remain positive, negativity is draining and wears you down. There is a difference from coming in contact with negative people or situations and ALLOWING negative people/influences space in your life and brain. Do your best when you must deal with these situations. Be your best self and you will leave the situation with confidence and self-assurance, knowing that you did your best. But, unhappy people, generally don’t like happy people and may try to bring you down with them (misery loves company). Don’t let them- shrug them off and go your own way (frolic in the fields, hug your dog, laugh with a friend) and don’t waste any more of your time or brain space on them than is absolutely necessary. Most importantly don’t feel guilty about being happy.
10. Create something.
You don’t have to have graduated from art school to create something beautiful that brings you and others joy and happiness. Maybe you love baking cookies or always wanted to build a bird house. There is something very satisfying in creating something that took a lot of hard work and being able to look at with a sense of pride (even if it didn’t turn out the way you thought it would when you started) and thinking “I made this.” Even better if you can share it with the people in your life.
11. Take time for yourself. Again, this ties in to many of the other tips. But I just want to re-affirm that it is okay to take time for yourself, doing something that makes you happy. Many of us have spouses, children, parents, friends, co-workers that we spend most of our time and energy on and that is a good and healthy thing (see #13). But at the same time, you shouldn’t be walking around feeling like a zombie, drained of emotional and physical energy. You are your able to be your best version of yourself for others, and for you when you are re-charged and re-energized. I would love nothing more than an hour long massage by a professional massage therapist (complete with the aromatherapy candles, oils, and whale nosies playing in the background) every few days if time and money allowed. Maybe it’s getting a manicure or having a glass of wine and reading a good book for 30 minutes after everyone else in the house is asleep. These little moments will re-charge you.
12. renew your sense of purpose in life. All of us have hopes and dreams and desires for our lives. And as we get older, our lives our shaping up to be very different than what we imagined they would be when we were young and carefree (and that’s okay). While I wouldn’t change anything that has happened to me in my life (the good and the bad), because it made me who I am today..rememembering what I am passionate about gives me a greater sense of purpose in life. Don’t sell yourself short of your daydreams and don’t let anyone talk to you out of what you know you want (unless you’ve always wanted to be a gas station attendant or a tool booth worker…then we made need to talk).
13. give back/ invest in relationships.
Balance in life is so important. Too much time spent on only on yourself will cause imbalance, just as much as too much time spent on others (and not enough time for yourself) will leave you completely drained. I promise there is someone out there who feels lost and who could use you in their life. I also guarantee that there is someone out there that YOU are important to and who would love to hear from you. Maybe you are not ready to open up to people which brings me to my next point…
14. Adopt a Pet.
The best thing I did when i first moved in to my own place 8 years ago and was feeling particularly alone and easily sad was adopting my dog Henri. There is something so wonderful about always coming home and knowing that my dog missed me and is happy to see me. I don’t argue that pets are a big responsibility and you should always consider your realistic limitations (such as money, time away from home, space). If you are not in the position for a bigger animal, how about a bird, or hamster, or even a fish!
15. Don’t ever give up. Finally, and most importantly, don’t forget that there is ALWAYS hope. You can and will be happy. Life is a gift. I mean it. We have all made mistakes, but that is what it means to be alive and to be human. Today is a new day. Trust me, I know this mushy positive talk is annoying when you are depressed. But please, if you take one thing away from this post, let it be that, I know you will make it through this and you can be happy. Chances are, if you are like me, dealing with depression will likely be something I struggle seriously with again at some point- but even when that happens, there is hope.
And I leave you with this beautiful tribute to Robin Williams and his thoughts on the beauty of life:
“Please, don’t worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this earth. Life is fleeting. And if you are ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky, and the stars that are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting start streaks through the blackness, turning night into day, make a wish. Think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did.”
– Robin Williams
All photos used in this post are mine, unless otherwise noted. If you want to use, just please credit me and link back to my blog. Thank you so much!
We all have those movies that shaped our childhoods. As a kid, you never care whether or not your favorite film was critically acclaimed or a box office hit, but you loved it no matter how cheesy or ridiculous it was. Here are mine:
10) The Princess Bride. (1987).
Wesley and Princess Buttercup. A rhyming Andre the Giant. Fred Savage. A love story of epically comical proportions.
Robin Williams in green tights and Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook. This movie version of the Peter Pan focuses on the “Grown up” Peter Pan. Peter has a family and a successful job and has forgotten the life he lived in Neverland until he pays a visit to his childhood home where Captain Hook seeks his revenge on Peter by kidnapping his children and forcing Peter to revisit Neverland and to remember the life he once lived. Along the way, Peter realizes how far he has come from the free-spirited Peter Pan he once was and must put his own children first before they forget him forever.
8) Fried Green Tomatoes. (1991)
A sad and depressingly beautiful movie, that despite my obvious taste for movies with lots of overacting, cartoon characters, and beautiful princesses as a child, I somehow managed to fall in love with.
7) The Never Ending Story. (1984)
A boy who gets picked on, escapes his tormenters by hiding in an attic and reading a magical book alone on a rainy night find himself drawn into the storyline. The hero gets to save the princess, while riding acorss the sky on a friendly luckdragon named Falkor, nonetheless. What kid doesn’t wish that this would happen to them? I think this movie inspired an entire generation of children to read. The story is amazing and the graphics are STILL better than alot of movies being made today.
6) Sleeping Beauty. (1959).
Does anyone else look back at some of the old classic Disney movies and notice how dark, depressing, and haunting some of them are? I mean isn’t the witch Maleficent just about the scariest villain? Her voice and laugh still gives me goosebumps. And what was with her creepy minions and that annoying pet crow; not to mention that long rod she bang on the ground all the time.
Kids these days have it easy…it’s all sparkly vampires and wizards.
But really, I think this might have been the first animated Disney movie I ever saw and definetely cemented that “prince charming” complex I suffered as a result.
I loved the three fairy godmothers: Flora, Fauna, and (especially) the chubby troublemaker, Merryweather.
(seriously how cute is she with those chubby cheeks?)
My favorite scene in the movie is when the three of them are trying to prepare a surprise 16th birthday party for Princess Aurora without the help of magic. Unsupsringly, a kerfuffle insues. Meanwhile, Princess Aurora is in the forest singing and dancing with the forest animals. Classic!
5) The Adventures of Milo and Otis. (1989).
Growing up, I had a VHS tape with Milo and Otis and Sleeping Beauty on it. I literally wore that tape out. I would watch one after the other over and over (great parenting mom and dad) and I was utterly distraught when the tape died. Thinking back on it now, it never occurred to me to ask for a new copy of my two “Cant live without” movies from my parents…but maybe by then I had moved on to greener and more musical pastures (see movie below) or maybe my parents were sick of me hogging the t.v.
That kooky cat and silly pup and there whirlwind adventures were mesmerizing to me. Plus, I remember thinking that a talking cat and dog was the most hilarious thing ever.
FYI: Recently, I was reading an article on Milo and Otis and found out that the movie was orginally japanese and the movie was re-edited with English Speaking dialog.
– also the same article said there were some serious concerns regarding the safety of the animals in the movie and that several animals died during its making. Thankfully, I only just became aware of this recently or I would have been traumatized as a child and the movie would have made a much different list. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventures_of_Milo_and_Otis)
4) Little Mermaid. (1989)
It seems that alot of my favorite childhood movies involve dancing and singing. Little Mermaid is no exception. A sassy, independent, red- headed mermaid dreams of being human and falls in love with the handsome Prince Eric. With the help of a flustered and anxious fish and a possibly gay lobster with a French (or Caribbean) accent try to keep Ariel out of trouble. Also noteworthy cameo appearances by: a mentally ill seagull with hoarding tendencies, an overweight French cook with an anger problem and fat evil half octopus, half human villain.
3) What About Bob. (1991).
Still one of my favorite movies today, What About Bob is one of those rare movies from my childhood that I love more each time I watch it. Probably the only movie to make the cross over onto my “top ten movies of all time” list, What ABout Bob introduced me to Bill Murray and since then I have never looked back. (Okay, except maybe when he was the voice of Garfield a couple years ago or when he did Osmosis Jones).
What About Bob taught me some important life lessons:
– that having mental illness and phobias was cool.
– that stalking is socially acceptable.
– that keeping your pet fish in a jar around your neck is an excellent way to travel with beloved pets.
– that trying to communicate to your children with scary sock puppets that are creepy versions of yourself is not cool.
I never quite got over my crush on Macaulay Kulkin thanks to Home Alone. Today, whenever I see a picture of him, my heart beats a little faster and I spontaneously whisper “I love you Kevin.” I think enough time has past now that I can admit to the fact that I wrote him several fan letters and my dad got me a signed picture of Macaulay for Christmas one year.
But seriously, ever child’s dream. Being forgotten on a family vacation and having free roam of spacious house, free to do what ever you want, eat ice cream until you feel sick, watch rated R movies and sleeping in late. That is, until two menacing (but thankfully idiotic) burglars terrorize the neighborhood and Kevin somehow manages to make some of the most ingenious and painful traps that left audiences grimacing.
1) Newsies. (1992).
My love for Newsies bordered (okay still borders) on obsession. Featuring a young Christian Bale as a homeless streetwise but tenderhearted tough kid and his gang of fellow whippersnappers, selling “paps” on the streets of New York. Accompanied by some of the best choregraphed dancing sequences and heart wrenching songs.
Ask any girl born between approximately 1981 and 1992 if they have seen Newsies. The answer will most likely be “yes” and “YES.” And if it happens to be me you ask…be prepared for a ten minute choreographed rendition of the movie complete with ACCURATE lyrics and horrible leg kicks.